i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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