Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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