So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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