you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
