best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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