i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize