I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
