That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
