Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
