He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Come see our sink grown plant.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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