Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
