Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
