I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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