Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
