We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
