drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
