she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
