I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
