yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
