I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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