I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
