Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
