Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
