Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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