just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dignity is for republicans.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
