y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
