Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
its liver damage thursday
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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