Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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