It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
