sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize