Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
