i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
