you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
