the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You need Xanax blowdarts
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
