no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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