I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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