yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
