You're completely useless in the revolution.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
