I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
