I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
