I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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