Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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