TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I had to cum in my sink.
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