Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize