Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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