no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We have started to decorate penises.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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