Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize