my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
