Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize