I just saw a hot homeless man
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I touched a dick in church today
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