i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
