it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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