she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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