your thong is hanging out like whoa
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
