Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
