We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
