So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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