That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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