i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my sisters under your porch take her home
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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