Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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