I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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