Someone shit on the floor
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize