some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
