1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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