either way he was missing a nipple.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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