Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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