Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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