saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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