I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
