I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
