You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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