some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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