I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize